Category Archives: Dating with herpes

How to Deal With The Rejection After The Talk

Q: I have an online dating site and every time I tell people I got herpes I get rejected I just don’t understand why I say it at the perfect time right before we go on an actual date and I’m thinking maybe should I wait till we meet face to face because I’m tired of getting rejected so fast it makes me feel like I’m not worth real love ):
How do you disclose ? It’s not dishonest in my opinion because as long as your telling them before sex it’s the people who know they have it and have Sex with that person without disclosing where I see it as dishonest but I think after a first date should be good I for now have been telling people before the date through text and I’ve had people reject me except one person so far out of like 7 it’s kind of sad.

A: What you have does not define who you are! Let them like you before you tell them you have HSV. I don’t say herpes, I wait until I have had 2 or more dates and then if I feel like we have chemistry I tell them but not before.

B: Isn’t better to let them know earlier than later? I mean; if I were a guy I wouldn’t want to spend time and money on a girl, only to find out she has an incurable contagious skin disease that I’m not interested in catching.
excellent; I’m always straight up from the gate. I don’t want anyone taking me out, spending time and energy, and money on me to drop the herpes bomb. That doesn’t really seem honest to me.

C: I’ve done it both ways. What I’ve found is that many times I go out for a couple times with someone and the chemistry isn’t right. Why tell them, they weren’t going to make the cut anyway? WHEN I do tell women is when there’s 1) chemistry and intimacy is right around the corner..or 2) when there’s a tipping point of liking them and needing to give full disclosure.

D: Do you think people need to disclose if they have kids before the first date, if they’ve been married, had a felony, etc? I’m just pointing out some “baggage” and putting HSV into that. For me, I think letting them get to know me for me before disclosing works best. No one has ever been upset that I waited a few dates to tell them. I’d understand if it was a month or two, but I don’t think anyone needs to “tell all” before the first date or even on the first date unless it comes up organically.

E: Let them know you! You are Haley Hill not herpes. Be that fabulous person with an awesome face and great attitude full of confidence and let them see you.

F: Evans is right. The word herpes may scare them a little. I always say something like ” hey I have something to tell you And if you don’t wanna chat after then I will understand. ” I wait for them to respond. Then I say” a few months ago I found out I have HSV-2 . I’m an asymptomatic carrier which means I carry the virus but don’t have outbreaks. ” if they ask what it is. I tell them to Google it. Lol. 90 % of the time I hear back. Most of them thank me for being honest.
Don’t ever let them define you because of this skin rash. If they can’t get to know you for who you are than they aren’t worth your time.

H: Pre diagnosis if someone dropped it on me before a first date I would have bailed because I wasn’t educated. You could give me whatever info you wanted, still would have bailed. If I knew someone a bit better and actually liked them I would be likely to research myself. What exactly are you saying? I disclose on my profile. So far everyone has been accepting. I’m the one that’s too chicken to actually meet up

I: I disclose on my profile too.. I used to give a long rant … Now I just put ” oh BTW I have HSV( herpes simplex virus) I don’t make it a big issue.

J: You are worthy!
This just shows that those people are not worth YOUR time. Hang in there a good one will find you soon enough.
The good news is shallow people stay away

K: Let them get to to know you in person, hang out, click with them and then if he seems to like you without the info let him know. Let them see how special you are with or without the gift.

L:I have tried a profile disclosing and not disclosing. There has been a couple of women that I felt I should tell before meeting and a couple I waited until after, rejected by all. I have heard that women have more success with disclosing then men do. When I have disclosed, I always use the term HSV figuring it will make it seem to them not as bad as the term herpes does. Some have asked what it means and I explain hoping to lessen the stigma about herpes.

M: I always disclose with 100% confidence as if they were asking my eye color or height. Its a part of you and NOT A BAD THING! You don’t have to advertise it but dont make it a negative piece of yourself…just be honest and if they don’t want to even have a conversation about it is that really someone you want to be with..?! We are all a community so don’t let muggles drag you down.

If i met them online, i always disclose before i even waste any of their time or my time. 50% of the time either they have it too or they don’t care, the other 50% never hear from again. We all have limited time on this earth so i’m not going to invest more time in someone that isn’t open to HSV or our situations. I am surprised at how many women are accepting. I’m near you so let me know if you want to talk. Community helps

N: Hsv sounds too close to HIV to me so I always say herpes. One guy thought I meant HIV so I changed my profile to say herpes simplex virus.

O: I believe in waiting to disclose, get to know each other and date without sex, you might decide you don’t want to take things further.
After they know you they’ll have something to walk away from and they will be more likely to try and make things work and this goes for any medical condition.
You are worth real love don’t settle for less, a year from now you will think much differently about this.
You’re a great person and your best days are ahead of you

P: Everybody takes a different approach in regards to when is the best time to disclose and not every approach fits everybody’s personality!
You just go by what makes you feel comfortable!

I like what Cali and others said..wait a bit before disclosing!
If you tell someone before you even have the chance of meeting them face to face..you run the risk of being seen by that other person .. as only the walkign & talking unpaid spokesperson for H!

R: That’s how I do it and I’ve only been rejected once. And honestly I told him so he’s go away because he was the kind of ass that wouldn’t understand.

S: Just the type of guy in my opinion. I herd this thing on the radio this morning, it was talking about how me have a list and how people must meet certain rules. They were saying how that would definitely keep us from dating people we wouldn’t normally. In turn missing a connection with someone we might truly fall in love with..

T: There is no reason to tell anyone until you are sure you like them enough to have sex with them. In my opinion, you were telling way too early. They don’t know anything about you yet, only that you have herpes. Once they meet you, they will see your good qualities, and that will balance out the herpes disclosure.

How to tackle the dating scene with Herpes

Question: Ever since being diagnosed with herpes I left the dating scene completely, my gifter and I didn’t work out and I haven’t tried to talk to anyone since. I took a lot of time to better myself and believe I’m in a good place to get back out there but don’t really know how. Any advice or suggestions on how to tackle the dating scene with Herpes?

How to tackle the dating scene with Herpes:

    1. Join herpes singles groups or local  herpes groups of interest to start talking with people with herpes. Attend group events locally. Just a few suggestions. Good luck to you.

    2. Your not the only one I’m having the same problem too . But I’m trying . If you ever want to talk just message me we could become friends.

    3. You will do fine, just let thinks happen on it own. But make sure that you are honest with your partners. CDC.gov and ProjectAccept.org and some sites with very good information on std’s. Good luck, you will be fine smile emoticon.

    4.  I am on PositiveSingles.com 

    5. The best advice I can give is to just carry on as though nothing has changed. Get educated about what you carry with you though, because you must disclose this to anyone you intend to date. Put more energy into being creative and really trying to be the most pleasant, fun, and adventurous person to be around. Be yourself. Anyone worth your time will look past your diagnosis and see you as being worth any risk.

    6. Do exactly as 5 says and if you do try Positive Singles use it as one outlet. It is very hit or miss. I’m really enjoying Tinder. But very picky about whom I open myself up to so have not even had to disclose because I have not gotten far enough with someone to even need to have the talk. You get to be disearning about whom you let in. You deserve it and so do they! Good luck and have fun!!

    7. Own it. Don’t be ashamed about it. I find when dating I now just don’t jump straight into thinking what it would be like to get in bed with them. I’ve been able to really tell if they are even worth disclosing to. I whole heartedly believe I get to be the choosey one. When I meet a guy that’s worth my disclosure it comes out so much more confident, and 99% of the time it’s not a problem to them. Don’t act like its a death sentence and it won’t come off like that.

    8.  I’m rowing same boat as you- dating wise I have hope without expectations and I stay medicated to prevent possible outbreak-also I keep and plan on always using protection if sexual encounter occurs– as time passes and I feel miss right has my heart that’s when i’ll tell bout my condition- if u feel 4 months of dating someone before you tell them about your condition to long then am loss for words

    9.  I spent the first six months trying herpes groups and sites because I thought I had to find someone who had hsv2. Then I finally decided I needed to look for values and religion and other big deal things first and hope they’d accept me. And he did. I suggest you keep an open mind and try not to let the stigma limit your options in your own head. smile emoticon best advice I have is date as though you didn’t have herpes, but hold back on intimacy and get to know him. Then disclose when you’re ready.


So when to disclose? Obviously before sex. And prob best even before making out – just in case? Also, at first thought, part of me felt Iike I should disclose from outset. But now my thoughts are that its ok to wait until I know she’s even into me for sure and also get to know her a little. Might go out first time this Saturday but with other couples. I’d like us to get to know each other before having the talk but may be forced to have the talk depending on how things unfold. i.e. Would feel awkward turning away a kiss. Suggestions?

I think it depends on a lot of things. For me I have ghsv and not oral so kissing doesn’t worry me. Honestly if someone has oral hsv and no symptoms I’m not sure i would expect disclosure but it’s respectful. Personally I’m saving sex for a committed LTR and I chose to disclose after about two months because that’s when I felt sure enough I liked him but still could get over him if he considered it a deal breaker. Obviously if you plan to be intimate sooner you have to disclose sooner.
thx, yeah mine is ghsv also. But pretty sure I also have hpv as I’ve had a wart recently. Waiting on test result and I’m still learning but I think it can be transmitted orally?
I don’t know much about hpv I’m afraid. But if it can be transmitted orally you’d need to disclose before kissing. My fiancé told me he wanted to get to know me as a person before we started kissing, I was a little surprised but I also felt really respected. You could say something like that to buy yourself a little time to know them first. If someone doesn’t want to get to know you first they’re not the right person anyway. That works for guys too lol not just ladies

People With Herpes: Prefer dating someone without Herpes or with Herpes?

If you are people with herpes, what kind of people do you prefer to dating, With herpes or without herpes?
This is a question. Some people with herpes give us their great idea on dating with herpes:

A (St. Louis HSV-2 single men): Personally . I prefer dating someone without Herpes. It really show what type of person they are. If you are really looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with and they accept you for who you are really explains alot about who they are. That to me is amazing.. To me it means that person really wants to be in a true relationship. Some people who I have came across who have it have their guards up so much and are still expecting too much. Like how can you be so judgement and picky. They will never be satisfied. I feel the same way when it comes to herpes guys. They are 10 times more guarded than the men without it. It usually ends up never working out. Recently I just let an herpes guy go and told him I wished him the best cause he was to distant.

Dating someone with or without herpes

Dating someone with or without herpes

B (Seattle, Washington, HSV woman): I prefer dating anyone who really likes me and respects me. I’ve found zero difference between dating h vs non-h in that arena btw.

C (hsv-1, HSV-2, woman): I want to find my guy and have a family I hope I get that chance, I haven’t given up. I’m talking to someone states away. Lol. From a Herpes dating site .He has type 2 like me, but not type 1 and I have both, but he is ok with that… I’ve never have had a cold sore

D (herpes woman): I don’t think H status is relevant to dating in the sense you’re referring to. With my partner who also has H, I forget we even have it. I don’t think he’s any less of a good person than someone without it who makes the decision to date someone with H. I’m more worried about dating someone who makes me happy.

E(Canada HSV-2 Man): It’s tricky, my wife is h free but should one day she get herpes from me and we decide that we are not a good fit anymore, I would feel terrible.

I think the best situation would not be to look for someone who is h free just because it shows that the person cares for you, but rather look for a person who cares for you truly.
I don’t know how to explain the feeling of the acceptance of h to be a measure of how someone cares for you.

E (New York HSV-2 woman) :  I’d never want to infect anyone. I dont want the burden or worry about giving this to someone especially while just dating and yoiu cant get to marriage without the dating part. Unsure emoticon It has devastated my personal sex/love life. I cant imagine being responsible for doing that to someone else.

F (Herpes, woman): I would hope that they would see my worth with or without H. I am a good person and if you know your worth then the person you meet will value you either way.

G ( Herpes Woman): I have yet to find a non-h person who is TRULY ok with the risks. They all seem to say they are ok with it, but then put all kinds of limitations on what they will do with me sexually. I can’t handle that. I feel like men are afraid of my vagina, and that stings.

H (Herpes Man): I can understand that… The sex with my last GF who was H free kind of sucked. I was lucky if I got a handjob, and oral sex was out of the question! I’ll stick with someone who knows, understands and is dealing with the same situation. It seems to me the sex is a lot better too.

I (New Orleans, Louisiana ,HSV woman): I think it differs according to what works best for each individual person. I personally would rather date an H person so that I won’t have that dark cloud hanging over my head…always worrying about giving my loved one H. I don’t think I could fully enjoy sex worrying about it. But that is ME! By no means do I think everyone should feel this way. 

J (British Columbia, herpes man ):  I’m in a relationship with a muggle right now and have to say that i agree, you can certainly infer the degree to which they value you from their acceptance. That said, it does sort of feel like waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting them to inevitably get it and worrying how it might effect them. Compare that to the back of your mind possibility that you’re a consolation prize and I’m at a loss as to which side the grass is greener on.

Overview of Peopewithherpes.org : No matter you are prefer dating some with herpes or without herpes, you should make yourself better and better, And Love is a magic thing, you will find the one who accept you.